saturday

i noticed several grammar mistakes and typos in my previous furious post but i don't bother to correct them.

after i got back home around 10 pm i immediately went to bed
and cried while listening to sad songs alone in my bed
and i couldnt really fall asleep until it was 3 am
I just couldn't stop thinking about what had happened.
i know i might have overreacted or been too emotional but there're also many reasons to me being like that that i don't want to talk about.

A night of thinking had turned the emotional thoughts down and the rational thoughts came up.
And this is the conclusion I made (even though there're still a few emotional components in it)
I've waited 21 years and there I was crying in my bed alone on a Friday night a day after my birthday.
It shows how worthless I really am. My life is just a joke.
Plus this world has proven itself unfair, not surprisingly, again.

but I also thought that I could not let this one thing drag my productivity down. I need to separate my work and my emotion. I still have 2 weeks to go and I still have works to do, so I still have to work and stop thinking about it so much.

I'm really really damaged. I don't think it could ever be fixed.
I'm not mad at anyone. I just don't like people anymore they're so damage inflicting.

Also there's a party tonight hosted by my honor society I think I should go because they have beer which means more drink.