another year passed hello 2015

looking back, its been an even better year! let's review my resolutions for 2014:

:(   1. yet again, keep gaining weight. keep eating and working out.
comment: I did not work out at all this year. damn it. still too skinny i wanna gain some more muscle

:) 2. make major steps in personal life
comment: yup, I did. I came out to my family (my brother, my mom, and dad) and introduced them to my bf and things went really well really surprisingly.

:) 3. keep up with my good work in lab and school like get more scholarship
comment: yup, i'm in the BS/MS program now. got another scholarship in March or something i think. I've also applied to a job.

:) 4. be a happier person. work on my personal issues like anxiety.
comment: yes, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression. i've been taking medication and trying to learn to be more content.

my 2015 resolutions:
1. yet again, keep gaining weight. keep eating and working out
2. finish my masters degree and find a job
3. keep in touch with my family more (since i've come out and there's no reason to hide)
4. fight depression

watch two more movies

Primer was so deep. it's from the same director of Upstream Color.

The Congress was a beautiful movie.
I am in love with this movie.

watch two more movies

i watch two more movies last night

Upstream Color
and
Another Earth

both are them are beautiful.
upstream color is incredibly deep.
another earth is really deep too. they have so much meaning behind what is presented in the film.

I miss chandler so much

Have been pretty productive. Got some research stuff done also finalized the class grade.

Have been watching a movie every night

I watched Lucy, Melancholia, and Chronicle.

My favorite is Melancholia.

It's just so melancholic I can relate to it so much.

it's December

oh my gosh guys sorry i've been updating the blog as i used to...
my blog used to be where i talked about my feelings but now i've come out and have a bf
i don't express my feeling on the blog as often

it's been more than a month since my last post.

i've been pretty busy with school, grading stuff, and research.
now i'm pretty much done for the quarter.
now i just have to finalize the grades for my class
the classes i took this quarter were all really interesting.
however, one of them is super difficult (the imaging one).
but i managed to finished the last homework.
the other class was not too bad.

it's fun being a grader. i get to know the students and keep myself busy
(sometimes really busy, like i need to stay at my office until 10 pm to finished grading midterms)
also the students all respect me and i like that :P

research isn't going really well.
my samples were molded.
i need to do another experiment soon but i will be gone during most of the winter break.

i went to Virginia for my bf's godfather's wedding.
i had lots of fun. but got too drunk during the wedding night.... :P

throughout the thanksgiving i went to my bf's house and saw his parents.
it's always good to see his family.
i finished whole bottle of wine one of the night
and managed to finish two bottle another night.
haha i'm such a drinker.

anyway, i've come to enjoy red wine so much. it tastes soon good with cheese.

now my bf is gone for a business trip and i just chilling.
miss him so much already.

FreakNight 2014

updates

hey guys sorry i haven't been updating my blog.

not much has been going on.

i'm getting busier with school and research.

went to Portland last weekend for my bf's cousin's wedding.

i like Portland. we drank and partied so much haha 

i barely remember what happened on Friday night.

this weekend is Halloween!!

my second favorite holiday of the year.

i dressed up as penguin at day and slutty Elsa from Frozen at night.

saw these Canadian geese on my way to get lunch. I had some good conversations with them.

me as slutty Elsa (not fully exposed haha)

anyway FreakNight was fun. my bf and I went on Friday night.

but then Saturday night got cancelled because someone OD'ed on Molly and died at Friday night

everyone was so disappointed...

anyway. my friends and i went to Q nightclub. it was super packed!!! danced so hard that my shirt was completely soaked with my own sweat.

well i have a midterm tomorrow. so i'll ttyl. gonna study for a little bit.

long time no see guys

sorry guys i've just been lazy with writing a blog post
everything's going pretty well
the medication i'm taking is making me feeling better i think
school's going well
BIOEN 599 is a hard class
PABIO 551 is a fun class
my TAing is going well too

and also i have start watching how much i drink
cuz it's going a little out of hand recently....
puked very badly on Wednesday...
oops

anyway
this should be a good and pretty busy quarter

freaknight is coming up! can't wait for halloween!!

Dada Land Compound 2014 Seattle video

i recorded the most exciting parts of the night. enjoy!

Photos form Mt Rainier

sorry guys it's been a month since i took the photos
here are the best fives
love freelensing. ;)

Dada Land Compound gif

bannas, one smile, champagne, pillows, and more bananas.

had so much fun at Dada Land.

so far so good

so far it has been a good week.
i've been doing better and better everyday.
and i've noticed that i've been happier too.

it is mostly like because of my schedule.
since i've only been taking fluoxetine for about 1 week.

school just started on Wednesday
and i've been busy before school started.
i've been working with my boss as the TA of a class and that took me a lot of time.
i also like my classes.
i'm taking a pathobiology class and an x-ray/nuclear imaging bioengineering class.

feels weird to be a graduate student and being around on campus.
i feel... old.

anyway, i think this will be a good school year.
i will be busy with TA, school, and research this quarter.

been doing better

hey guys i've been doing better
getting out of my depressed mood
been starting to do fun things with my bf
we went partying every Wed and Saturday
we had a lot of fun.
also i have more works to do now

been playing Dead Island with my brother.
we had like tons of fun.
love messing around in the game. it's hilarious.
ramming cars into zombies and shit

also i've started playing Portal 2 with my bf.
love the co-op game.

oh and i'm going to be a TA (kind of but more like a grader) for one of my boss's classes
:)

went to the doctor today for my depression
and got a medication called fluoxetine a type of SSRI
hopefully it's going to make my life more fulfilling
i'm also getting CBT which would help with my low self-esteem.
together the medication and CBT should help me a lot.

i'm actually kind of afraid of "losing myself"
my old melancholic self.
i like being melancholic.
haha oh well we'll see how it goes.

oh and i'm also going to Dada Land this Saturday at WaMu!!!
so excited!!!

happy that i'm feeling better now ;)

found myself on street view lol

another video that i made today enjoy.

being doing ok

hey guys,
i've been doing alright.
feeling down most of the time.
i am thinking of getting a counselor.

also i just made these two videos.


haha just kind of bored...

going out tonight. i just wanna dance.

Updates

So I got my eyebrows threaded yesterday. They look really nice now.

My eyebrows were a mess.

Also I bought another game 75% off.

It's Borderlands 2. Love the character Zer0. The story is really interesting.

I'm still playing Dead Island. I kind of like Dead Island more cuz it's more realistic. Haha I kind of want to live in a paradise with zombies.

Anyway

My left side of my jaw has been in pain when I open my mouth... And it kind of locks in the open position.

It could be my wisdom teeth... 

:( scary... Has not been getting any better

And as usual. I am still working on my project in my lab.

Running between my campus lab and the lab in SLU. I just seeded some NRVM cells today. Hope the experiment goes well >_< 

Cells are just too unpredictable.

On shuttle ride to work

I saw this girl with DNA ear pieces 

I love them

I wanted to tell her that her ear pieces looked beautiful but she got off a stop before me...

sorry guys

i finally have something worth posting haha

last weekend i went to Couer d'Alene with Chandler for his grandma's birthday
it was fun!!
i floated and went jet skiing
it was scary when he sped up the thing
and it was good to see his family

this week i was just working
and playing Dead Island

went to bars last night
met people from my lab and friends
drank way too much
so i just left the bar and stumbled home
when i got home i made myself food and soy milk and sat on a chair
then i blacked out
did not remember anything after that
woke up in bed when Chandler's home with friend
then I went to the bathroom and puked

woke up in the morning and found out that the food i made was on the ground
and that someone wrote
"I feel like I'm about to puke"
and
"can't find the bottle straw thing 8/14 1:00 am"
"find it"
i had no idea who wrote it and how i got in bed
but i think i probably wrote it...

so creepy...

sorry guys it's been more than a week since my last post

i've been doing alright.
working on my project.

have been drinking and smoking a lot.
i don't know why but i'm feeling sad and depressed lately...

i should be working out in the gym but i haven't

and i've been playing Dead Island. good game to occasionally get scared by zombies.

yeh....

Monday

Been partying and drinking throughout the weekend.

I think my liver hated it.

Anyway,

Went to the lab today and went grocery shopping and now at the apartment gym working out

Today is my warm up day

I have also been taking supplement and I think my body is ready.

Love working out

Wanna get fit.

another week

another week.
i've been sad throughout the week...
but had a really good conversation with my mom and my bf now i'm feeling way better.

also i got my computer back!!
and i set it all up back to what it's used to be
and it's working perfectly
it costed 280
but they replaced my logic board and my battery :D

so i think i have one problem solved

went to Apple store AGAIN
and officially BFFs with the genius
she found that there's a missing grounding piece so she put it in.
she's like the smartest genius though we had like very logical conversation on problem solving!!
she's awesome anyway.
she said that the monitor problem and the unexpected shutting off should go away cuz those were related to grounding.

and i made a flow chart for trouble shooting.

so the first one should be eliminated
i'll see if my computer still die after going to sleep.
she said it could be the RAM or corrupted file in the SSD.
so we'll see

so my computer was acting ridiculous

got it fixed
they said it's the software so they reinstall my computer
now i restore my data
and it's working just fine.

last batch of photos

Paradiso 2014 upload 3

Had the most intense dream ever

Ok so first off

I've been doing well.

Since Monday, chandlers has been on a training in NC until Thursday.

And I completed a bunch of tasks and errands.

Went to att and apple store.

Got a new FREE headphone cuz mine is broken again.

And lowered the price for the phone plan I have by like $100

Also did laundry and cleaned the room

Also made two more kanji cuffs

And on Wednesday night I went to Finns and got drunk haha

Met some bioe ppl (again we bioe people like to drink)

anyway
last night i had the most intense dream
so this was how it went
i had my kodak disposable and was taking photos around a temple looking place
but then i accidentally broke some stuff
and the next day i woke up in a prison
and then i walked around and an inmate told me that i have to kill a certain person to get free
so i just walked around more
and found a room with all kinds of tool
and i saw an ice skate so i worked really hard to put it together and installed the blade.
a few inmates saw me and tried to help me
anyway a riot broke off and i went outside running around trying to find this person
i found him and i slit his throat with the blade several times
(it's all really really dramatic as i was doing everything myself)
then he started to bleed. i killed him. but the look on his face was like what did i do to deserve this.
at first i walked back proudly but then the more i thought about it the sadder i got.
then i started crying
and then i started to crawl and cry cuz i felt like i did something horribly wrong.
(again it was really dramatic cuz i was dying really really hard on the floor)

that's pretty much what happened.
i love the dream very surreal and intense and full of imagination. a bit bloody though.

Paradiso 2014 photo upload 2

Paradiso 2014 photos

also just started gardening :D

so glad that we have a balcony so i can do plants :D
i have strawberry, basil and poppy.

hey guys

it's been a while since i posted. been away from home and now i'm back.

Paradiso was a blast! camping was actually fun and it was EDM heaven.
lines in Paradiso were however the worst. waited for like 3 hours to get in the campground
and 2.5 hours to get in the venue
some mandatory photos (the vertical panorama)

the MainStage

everyone there was on a pilgrimage for EDM.
EDM was everywhere and I love it.
even though it was really hot in the morning and i couldn't take a shower for three days
it was worth it.
saw  Chuckie, Tommy Trash, Audien, Booka Shade, Flux Pavilion, Above & Beyond, Deorro, Andrew Rayel, Mat Zo, The Chainsmokers, Manufactured Superstars, Wolfgang Gartner, Laidback Luke, Aly & Fila, W&W, and Zedd.
my favorites were A&B, W&W, and Zedd.
I compiled all the videos and uploaded onto Youtube.

the Gorge was amazing!! you can see the river and mountains from the MainStage. one of the best experience I've had.

I also took photos with the Kodak disposables and will upload some to Flickr.
stay tuned.

after Paradiso, Chandler drove back to his home in Omak.
we stayed there for two days and recovered from the craziness in Paradiso.
we picked our raspberries from the bushes and made a pie
:))

then we drove to Coeur d'Alene in Idaho. it's where all the rich people go during the summer to spend time in their summer house.
photos taken on our way

i look super dumb in this photo

the world third largest dam.

it was a pretty long drive. wheat field on wheat filed

I had a great time. spent a lot of time with Chandler's family and enjoyed the view and weather of the lake.
spent my July the 4th there too. watched the fireworks.

i was immediately in love with the cat

i hate going into water

haha of course

merica!!

MERICA!!!!!

Chandler also kind of taught me how to "swim"
even though i was just wearing the life jacket and floating on the water and complaining how cold the water was haha.
it was fun!

Getting ready for paradiso

Two day camping and raving!! Can't wait to see Zedd again

And then heading to Omak and Chandlers house in Idaho

Will be gone for like 10 days

sorry guys. been enjoying my break.

since about 2 weeks ago, i finally finished my undergraduate.
if i remembered correctly, the following is what happened over the past 2 weeks

it'll be a long post and bunch of selfies

before 6/11
completely moved out from my dorm

6/11 Wed.
after staying up all night, I finally finished my capstone report.
drank on the Ave then partied at Neighbors and had tons of "fun"

6/12 Thurs.
lunch with lab at Ivars.

6/13 Fri
went to Chandler's political science departmental graduation. had lunch with Chandler and family.
then went to my departmental graduation. because my family has not arrived yet (my bad cuz i totally forget to tell them about it). Chandler and his parents were there for me. they also took photos for me.

me at BIOEN graduation (i got that swag: yellow and purple cords)

then had dinner with Chandler and family.
met up with my family at hotel.
then went to Cap hill to bars with friends and my brother.

6/14 Sat.
big day!! the graduation ceremony was really fun. even though it's 4.5 hours. I got to get up and walk around. not when someone's making a speech though haha.
my family took photos of the ceremony as well.

selfies :P

then Chandler's family met with my family.
it went pretty well. felt good about it.
at night we went to Cap hill again and we partied hard (glad to see my brother enjoyed it)

6/15 Sun
family time. went to Bellevue had dinner at Ruth. got surf and turf. it was soooo good.

6/16 Mon
family time. went to outlet. shopped at Gap with my $50 reward hahaha
got some nice shirts.

 then had dinner with Chandler at Purple.
my dad enjoyed it a lot.

6/17 Tue
family time. downtown tour.
we drove to Kerry park for awesome views.

then we headed downtown to market and other places
and had dinner at Umi.

6/18 Wed
last day of family time.
Chandler spent the whole day with my family. i had a lot of fun.
we showed family around campus and at the same time i was in my cap and gown for more grad photos.
then we went to Gas works
then Fremont
then volunteer park and the church.
so happy about everything hee hee. haven't been so happy since a long time ago.

then we took my family to the airport. it was sad to see them leave after such a short stay. tearing up a little.
i miss them so much. hope to see them soon.
then went home drank and had "fun".

6/19 - 20 Thur and Fri
went to take photos and videos for Chandler's tennis lesson

6/21 Sat
had picnic with Chandler at Carkeek park.
it was wonderful. i really enjoyed it.

 then we had a birthday party for a friend at the roof top.
need power source for speaker but couldn't find one on the roof so we improvised.

 i got really drunk and passed out.

6/22 Sun
finished processing videos and photos for Chandler.
Chandler's profile: http://mytennislessons.com/profile/chandler-l
Videos:
and Chandler made me this delicious tuna salad!

6/23 Mon
tiny break is over.
had my last counseling session :(
so sad. i will miss my counselor... he has helped me so much over these 8 months
gonna go work in my lab later this afternoon.

Future.
Paradiso this weekend
and then going to Omak and Chandler's family house after that.
so another week of relaxing :D
loving the summer now.

I will be working in lab and working out to gain weight this summer.

Peace.